exams again

again, exams are here. and seriously, they are draining. 

after spending one whole day with my political science module. i only managed to finish like three readings. the words are so small that they are sleep inducing. they are like 1mm per alphabet. not like i have really good eye sight. its painful to face such small things all day. YAWN. and i am falling asleep insanely. okay. this is bad. sigh. 

gruning is back again. but this time, i seem to be able to conquer it rather well! i totally understood his amazing speech. tho i took 2hrs to read his 20pages speech. but i managed to do it. 

now, its time for the battle with fran nathan! rocks. 

want

i want to write something but i am too tired to do it now. i think my mac is tired too. sugar is running out of battery. so i have to stop abusing her. 

i miss waffles. i hope she is fine alone. 

Gruning.

totally rocks my life. i see this name in almost all my readings but i still cant really get what's the issue. PR PR PR PR PR PR PR. 

its like all over my head. i am 3 readings away from completing my readings for this module. 

and i still have my research to think about. which i am only done with like eh, 2 chapters out of so many. 

you can do it.

i hope haniff gets my something like NICE from HK. i am so waiting for something nice to make my week better. its weird to slack such an important week away. but i am still so not motivated to study. 

HELLO YOU. wake up

whats that

i dont think i have felt this way against someone before. i seriously think that you have something against me. bahh. i am out of expressions to express what i am thinking or feeling. this is not going to work out for me but i believe you are truly enjoying it. you did so much and i think you have gotten what you want. is that enough for you? i guess not. anyhow, enjoy yourself okay. i knew this is not going to be nice when it first started. but i didnt know that it will be this ugly. i really need to talk to dear nina. 

NINA, IMU. 

screams

in this tiny world. everything seem possible. i am not going to think straight anymore. what is wrong with you. i am confused. okay. maybe i brought this upon myself. whatever

i think i was wrong to do what i did the other time. but it felt really good. well, that can happen once in a while i suppose. no one knows about it anyway.

now, i am tired. i just want what i want. please let me have it. 

TRUST

thats hard. who can you actually trust. what is the real meaning of that word. is there a value to it anymore? i dont know. its hard to hear that world. i dont think i will trust anything you say anymore. what can you say anyway. nothing i want. nothing that i really want. TRUST. what is it actually. is it something like, tell someone everything. or is it like believing someone completely. that blur and invisible line. i believed you once, but you are weird.

trust what i see or what i hear? i am still living in that week. the week that i had you. 

the week that i totally love and do not want to let go. but i am trying to move on and leave that aside. although i seriously dont want to. i deeply hope that we can have that week last for a month. i am living there and totally missing it. 

not that smiley.

i am glad i have other distractions in life. and i think i so need to start doing my readings seriously already. i have so much to do but so little time left. i am going to start freaking out soon. bahhh. 

when i cant say that

i am, but i am not down just yet. i am so going to make it. seriously. i cannot bring myself to stop now. 2 mths, thats it. please, i dont need anyone to back me up unlike some retard. and like totally whatever. please, i bloody pissed off too. who the hell do such a thing goodness gracious. you are how freaking weird. and please, when one is useless, you are not helping much. you just make others more pissed off. who the hell he thinks he is. you are bloody thick. can u freaking hell use whatever brains that you are left with. though its not much but it might still work. your retarded head is totally filled with nonsensical stuffs that others will never want to think of. i am damn sick and tired of doing things for you okay. and it freaking doesnt help when u refuse to cooperate. i am totally regretting. SCREAMS. 

i dont know how long can i stand talking to an idiot. 

tongue tied.

i think i am doing if just for the sake of doing it. not because i really miss you or what. i think i just needed to do something badly. and seriously, u are just there. i have enough of the cheating thing. but i am still part of it. i think i have to change my life. i think you are still the same. always here when i needed someone. but i think i am not doing myself a good deed. you are already out of my life. seriously. but i am still bring you and letting you back in. i took so long to get you of my head. but now, i am bring you in, but this time, i am so not falling in again. i think i know what i want. but i cant get it. and i am so destroying it even more by doing what i am doing. i know its wrong but i cant help it. and you are always present me with such a chance. i think she loves you so much. and i am feeling really bad now. she is my friend. even though i was totally upset when you got together with her. but now, you are so whatever and away from me. i am bringing myself back in it again. somehow, i think you are not happy with her, but you are still holding on because of how much she loves you. i hope i am right and you will continue holding on. i think i should so not do anything like that again. i know you are so not into such things. but looking at the things that she has done for you, i think you should like be super nice to her. 

i am tongue tied. i cant tell you what i really want to say. because i dont even know what you are thinking of. and seriously, i think i know what would you say. i feel like trying but i cant foresee how it will turn out to be. for once, i am scare. i dont want to try. due to all the fears that i have in me. i know its weird. its really weird. its more than weird. i dont know what it is at all. i am confused too. i told myself that i have to say so that i wouldn't regret. but somehow, i dont really want to do that. i am more than confused. i am over confused. i am deeply confused. 

i am tongue tied, in every way. 

xoxo, gossip girl

like totally addicted to gossip girl! totally rocks my life. loves!

other than gossip girl, the other part of life hasnt been great. 

1. did not touch my readings like at all

2. totally more than confused 

3. hate it, totally

its really bad that i dont know what to do now and i am seriously not sticking to what i have decided at first. which i think, is a really bad and like retarded thing to do. like totally, i should like so stick to what i have decided from the rest and stop moving and thinking anymore. rocks my life. because its so screwed. sigh i guess. but still have to live my life happily. at least i have my loves. 

much love

shan